I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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