the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is this like a preordered booty call?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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