i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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