Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize