I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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