I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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