Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
false alarm, still single
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