Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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