you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize