the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So much rum. So many feels.
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Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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