There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize