I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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