she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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