My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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