forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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