I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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