Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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