My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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