I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
They have beer where we have blood.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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