allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize