She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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