There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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