you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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