We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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