The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
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sick fucks of a feather flock together
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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