Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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