I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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