Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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