I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize