i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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