I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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