its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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