my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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