obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize