She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
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Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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