Where is the hickey?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize