i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
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I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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