sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize