so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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