I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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