alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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