dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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