We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
birth control should be required to get into college
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize