So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I still have a little drunk in my system
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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