By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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