We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
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im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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