Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My breasts were aching with rage.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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