What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dear god my vagina.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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