this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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