when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
