My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
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yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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