every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
they're like a gay fantastic four
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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