I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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